Merry Christmas?

Christmas. It means so many things to so many people. There is an expectation of "Christmas spirit" - a tangible upturn in optimism and kindness. TV, movies, advertising... everything tells us that we should be happy during the holidays.

So, what do you do if you're not? Do you put on the holiday mask and force out a grin as you pretend, for a few days a year, that you really like eggnog or that you enjoy a wide range of festive wear?

The character of Temperance Brennan on the TV show "Bones" says this while struggling to comprehend our Christmas rituals, "Apparently, it's not morally wrong to lie at Christmas. Apparently sometimes lying is a kind of gift. I'm hazy on the rules but the idea is even if they know you're lying they know you're doing it out of love."

I love the way she puts that, so clinical and concise. When phrased that way, I'm a little bit torn. On one hand, it seems selfless and generous to put someone else's happiness ahead of your own and pretend, even for one or two days a year, that things really are as we wish they were.

At the same time, is it real? Is it authentic? Or are we just propagating a lie that ultimately ends in disappointment and unmet expectations?

I think the thing that drew me most to Frederick Buechner's quote about living out of our depths was the simple statement that it's not "necessary to talk about the deepest and most private dimension of who we are" but to "talk to each other out of it".

For example, the following is true: At no other time of the year do I feel as stressed out and frantic (out of my depth!) as at Christmas. Everyone's expectations are higher and I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide until it's all over.

True though it is, is that the underlying depth of who I am that I need to be living out of? Is "living out of our depths" no more than merely wearing our hearts on our sleeves?

I believe that it is more. Although I'm still exploring what that means at this time of year, I am hopeful that Christmas can be more than headaches and high expectations, even for those like me who just can't wait for it to be over.